00:02.37 bizzyweb You're getting very very sleepy Dave man very very sleepy and at the snap of my fingers bring go start the podcast. 00:04.21 Dave Meyer_ BizzyWeb Well we record on Friday mornings so that makes sense. Yes. 00:13.78 Dave Meyer_ BizzyWeb Oh good I'm I'm here I'm awake. Well good to see you. 00:16.57 bizzyweb We are we are recording this at the last day of the first quarter of 2024 which means that everybody's trying to sell everything and everybody is trying to get things in before the end of the day so it is. 00:33.35 Dave Meyer_ BizzyWeb It's madness. 00:34.15 bizzyweb Not only is it the end of the month but it's the end of the quarter and everybody is going a little bit bananas trying to get all their deals done and so I thought as I had been pulling my hair out most of the month trying to figure out how to get people to do the same. I Thought this would be a great opportunity for us to have a deep dive into the psychology of decision making and how ah people make decisions so I was able to find ah really quiet I kind of overclubbed on the ah the expert. So. 00:54.11 Dave Meyer_ BizzyWeb Um, who I like it. 01:06.22 bizzyweb We have ah ah somebody ah, who's joining us today who's a season live coach specializing in unlocking the power of the subconscious mind for personal growth and transformation she has more than 17 years of dedicated study and certifications. And Nlp Hypnotherapy which is why I'm really hoping she'll make you cluck like a chicken sometime during this this time and and life coaching she blends western methodologies with eastern philosophy which I'm a big fan of and the science of quantum physics to offer a holistic approach to coaching so she. 01:29.90 Dave Meyer_ BizzyWeb Oo I don't know. 01:41.22 bizzyweb Ah, combines empathy professionalism and a customized approach to help clients overcome their own limitations which of course means that they need to say yes to me more but we'll get to that later to achieve lasting change. Welcome our guest Dave Nikki Nicholas 01:54.33 Dave Meyer_ BizzyWeb Um, Nicki welcome. 01:55.69 Nikki Thank you, Thank you for having me I'm very excited to have this chat. 01:58.42 bizzyweb And we are too I have to ask just to start you have of an an alphabet soup of qualifications. How do how do you? How did you decide to get into what you do for a living. 02:03.95 Nikki Um. 02:11.58 Nikki So it kind of like you said it's been seventeen years now and it started so two 2007 essentially I was working at just kind of a regular everyday job after high school and I was just going about my life but I was really really into business. And kind of psychology and I wasn't really sure what I wanted to do and so I started looking into and listening to Tony Robbins and everything that he talks about and he touched on the subject of Neurolinguistic programming or Nlp and I just was so fascinated like it was just such an in. Credible area of study and so I just kind of dove deeper and deeper and deeper and deeper into it and when I get on a tangent when I get obsessed with something I get really into it really obsessed and so it kind of takes over my entire mind. And I just dive in and so I started doing doing my studies online mostly for neurolingguistic programming and would take course after course after course, after course and honestly take those courses like 10 times over because I loved them so much because there was so much information in them. That every time I I went back and did the same course I learned so much more at a deeper level. You catch things that you didn't catch the first time and so then got into the hypnotherapy side of things and then as time went on I kind of so I was at a corporate job I was doing frontend web development online marketing and then project management. 03:40.85 Nikki And in doing that I like I really enjoyed what I was doing but I felt like I guess something in my life was missing and so started looking into the life coaching side of things and then took my first in-person and l'pee and hypnotherapy course which completely changed my life. 03:49.10 Dave Meyer_ BizzyWeb He. 03:56.70 Nikki Because she was doing the hypnotherapy work and Nlp work on her students at the time to teach us what to do and so that totally did a one eighty degree of my life jumped into the life coaching side of things and just never looked back. But ah, we'll get into the specifics on that later, but it was definitely a ride when it came to you know, jumping off the deep end into my own business and all the emotions and stuff that I felt and so from 2017 till now it's kind of been a. 04:26.19 Nikki I Guess just I've been going internal I added um mindfulness and meditation um to the mix because I started to realize hey I have all this knowledge on the subconscious mind and I'm feeling all these intense emotions through this massive life transition that I'm going through. 04:30.35 Dave Meyer_ BizzyWeb Here. 04:43.45 Nikki I need to like do this inner work to I learned that releasing emotions is a big part of how you can move forward like if you have fear and you can't move forward then you need to remove the fear in order to allow yourself to take that next step and then you'll take the next step and there's another intense emotion. That'll come up and then you need to remove that and then take the next step. So essentially, that's the process that I've been going through over the last well since so I guess 7 years um just to release everything that I need to release to keep going forward. So yeah I hope that answered it. 05:15.32 Dave Meyer_ BizzyWeb That was great. Yes I am and actually I've studied and nlp not not as extensively as nikki of course, but you like Brian Tracy and the the arts that are that are involved in that and just. 05:16.15 bizzyweb Absolute Dave you're you're um, you're a mindfulness guy right. 05:28.16 Nikki Okay. 05:33.47 Dave Meyer_ BizzyWeb Listening and mirroring and making sure that you're paying like intense attention to the person and thinking about what's happening inside of the conversation and helping to lead. That's so so exciting I think it makes in in the sales world. It makes you a much better. 05:45.76 Nikki Ah. 05:52.82 Dave Meyer_ BizzyWeb Salesperson but more so that it helps you to get more empathetic in your conversations and so this is this is intense. We're goingnna we're going to geek out hard. This is going to be so fun. Nikki. 05:59.42 Nikki Um, awesome. 06:01.42 bizzyweb I yeah I I I'd like to admit the thing think that my mental health is in a good state. But really, it's just a complete disaster I mean from a mindfulness standpoint any time I really get emotional I just sort of channel Rocky four and just. Knuckle down and and and keep going and and and try and you know punch my way through which is great in my ah twenty s and thirty s now that I'm in my forty s and you know pushing 50 harder than I'd like to admit, it's it's it's ah not as helpful. Ah, as as I would like so let's let let's let's let's. Make this list about a therapy session for me and and most about how we can help the listeners. So nikki what are some common subconscious patterns that hold people back. 06:49.60 Nikki Ah, so I would say probably the biggest one for most people and for myself included like I had mentioned previously is fear so when we feel fear in life that that impedes us that stops us and and oftentimes people will. Talking about the mental health side of things I deal with obviously mindset and emotions and if you are stopping yourself from doing something that you know you're meant to do in life like say say you're meant to I don't know change cities change jobs or something like that change relationships even and you are. You're stopping yourself. Typically people they know they're meant to do it but the fear stops them and so then they're in this state in life this place in life that they don't actually want to be in and then over time they know they're supposed to be in another place but they're still staying stagnant. And nothing is changing and so that is typically when negative emotions come up or bad habits come up because they're trying to compensate for the thing that they know they should be doing in life and they're feeling bad about the fact that they're not doing what they want to be doing and so that's oftentimes where depression will come in like all these different. You know again, bad habits like overeating blah Blah Blah. So It's like understanding those mechanisms and that's just what I call a um negative subconscious Pattern is essentially you are. You're meant to be doing something and because you're not so you have ah essentially a subconscious block is what I call it. 08:21.32 Nikki In the way So The fear would be the emotion that's stopping you from doing the thing you want to do so that's a subconscious block that's blocking you and because that block is blocking you now you have a different pattern that you're running which is I am trying to feel comfort I am trying to feel good or positive in a different way to make myself feel better. And so just pinpointing what is going on at a subconscious level because our subconscious mind is our emotions is really really paramount to understanding why we do or don't do the things we do or don't do in life. Um, and just understanding that there are various parts to us internally. And that you can actually witness those parts play out if you again go into that mindfulness meditation piece and that's again where that neural linguistic programming piece comes in as Well. So I would say fear stops people. That's probably the number one.. There's also. 09:08.65 Dave Meyer_ BizzyWeb Who. 09:12.10 Nikki Inadequacy like feelings of inadequacy like I'm not good enough and typically that's tied to some kind of trauma from your past where you didn't feel good enough and that stuck with you that stayed in your nervous system as an emotion that is prompted whenever something like externally triggers you and then there's the self-doubt the you know. Um, lack of Confidence. It's all kind of the same kind of thing Self-esteem. So I would say those are probably the biggest things um like self-worth Self-esteem you know I don't matter enough that kind of thing and the fear. Yes. 09:32.65 Dave Meyer_ BizzyWeb You. 09:44.26 bizzyweb Imposter syndromes like ah like an alphabet soup of everything in there right. 09:44.83 Dave Meyer_ BizzyWeb Yeah, for sure 1 of the one of the problems with subconscious of course is that you're really not conscious of it. So how do you bring that out me saying. 09:50.79 Nikki Yeah. 09:52.79 bizzyweb But that's gonna be That's gonna be my new ringtone got this that you're not conscious of it. 10:01.83 Dave Meyer_ BizzyWeb The problems with subconscious. Yeah right? So how how do you work with your clients to figure out what their subconscious self talk is and what's holding them back. 10:06.26 Nikki Ah. 10:16.51 Nikki Yeah, So it's Interesting. So so negative self-talk is actually one of the things that I that I work on with clients but the funny thing is people think like they think okay I have all this overthinking I have all this negative self-talk but they don't realize that that's actually the symptom. That's not um. That's not what you would actually go into to address. So Basically the structure of our consciousness is um, there's our beliefs and our beliefs make up the foundation of everything else. Our beliefs are how we view ourselves how we view other people how we view the world and then from there. 10:35.18 Dave Meyer_ BizzyWeb He. 10:51.38 Nikki Depending on what we believe of a given situation. Um an external event will trigger an emotion based on our beliefs. So if we don't believe we're good enough. When something happens outside of us we will feel like oh my God I'm inadequate Oh My God I can't move forward because and self-doubt right? So There's the emotions and then from our emotions when we are triggered by our emotions at that neurochemical level that feeling level in our nervous system that will prompt the thoughts to go off. And the thing is thoughts are actually again, they're the symptom they are actually I guess the problem really is that um they just keep perpetuating and people think that they can think their way out of their thoughts their negative thoughts and that is the real issue is that they're looking in the wrong place. 11:30.22 Dave Meyer_ BizzyWeb He will. 11:41.51 Nikki They're looking to find a solution with their conscious mind but the conscious mind is only actually 5% of what what we are makes up what we are in life and our behaviors all that kind of stuff so and then from our thoughts that will dictate our actions so it's kind of like a 4 our-tiered structure 12:00.64 Dave Meyer_ BizzyWeb Um, yeah. 12:00.81 Nikki But if you want to really make change in somebody's life then you want to go to the first two. So It's I go in through the emotions that neurochemical response that feeling or the belief level. So sometimes I tap into the emotions and then go into that through kind of through that to get to the belief. And then kind of rewire it because really once you become conscious of what you're doing. You can't like you can't keep doing it because it's like well I'm self-sabotaging I Know that now I know I know the pattern you know once you're aware of the pattern then you just stop and then as soon as those things stop then. 12:27.94 Dave Meyer_ BizzyWeb Oh. 12:36.55 Nikki The negative negative thoughts and the the actions that you don't want will stop as well. 12:41.62 bizzyweb I'm I'm fascinated because about 3 things that you said just completely resonated with me one of which was I could think my way out of it which is how I ended up going to rehab after becoming a compulsive gambler about twenty years ago because I thought I could just think my way out of it and. Um I don't know that I ever really dealt with the emotional reasons. Why I just came to an understanding and a justification as to how to deal with it and which has worked really well for me. So um i. 13:10.61 Nikki Ah. 13:13.69 bizzyweb Really curious to know how to talk a little bit more about how you do the rewiring and the and the process. 13:17.99 Nikki Yeah, so a good. Yeah so we could actually do something right now just to kind of play if you want okay cool. So if you guys want to just think of I guess think of a problem in your life If you're open to talking about that. 13:24.30 Dave Meyer_ BizzyWeb Sure oh this one? yeah. 13:24.91 bizzyweb Um, yeah, yes. 13:32.53 bizzyweb Yeah, yep, yep! Okay Dave do you want to go first. 13:35.81 Dave Meyer_ BizzyWeb Sure. 13:37.40 Nikki Okay, so when do you go at a time. 13:44.66 Dave Meyer_ BizzyWeb I Am um, let's see. Okay, yes, sure I am working on my fitness so try trying to adjust the the foods and the intakes and to just have more energy. 13:49.78 Nikki Okay. 13:58.43 Nikki Okay, so when how is that a problem for you I suppose. 14:05.50 Dave Meyer_ BizzyWeb Um, you know getting getting closer to 50 than than yeah I was before obviously and I think just there's a lot to do in running a business and so I'm running out of. Energy and time and I spend a ton of time on stage and presenting to people and I want to make sure that I look my best and that I have plenty of energy and mental acuity to be sharp when I'm up there and the center of attention. 14:29.58 Nikki Um, so in those moments I I take it like when you say get home from work and you're wanting to go to the gym is it the gym that you're wanting to go to? yeah okay so when you're at home and you're wanting to go to the gym. 14:43.55 Dave Meyer_ BizzyWeb Um, yeah, yeah. 14:48.65 Nikki Ah, just walk me through your experience your internal experience. What takes place. 14:50.53 Dave Meyer_ BizzyWeb Sure Um'd say when when I'm done with work I'm exhausted so you know there's a lot. We give a lot of ourselves in our careers and you know just I just want to sit down and unplug and hang out and catch a show or something for a while. 14:57.75 Nikki Ah. 15:09.89 Dave Meyer_ BizzyWeb And then before I know it. It's bedtime. 15:12.73 Nikki Um, yeah, so when you think about being in that moment where you're at home and you just don't want to do it. Um, where do you feel a negative feeling within you within your body. 15:21.34 Dave Meyer_ BizzyWeb I Think kind of like in the chest like I can just kind of feel not necessarily a weight but like a resistance. Yeah. 15:24.91 Nikki Yeah. 15:31.70 Nikki Um, yes, yes, that was actually my next question. So so one of the first steps that I do with people is defining it more clearly because so this is. Something that happens consistently at a subconscious level and so you recognize it instantly as soon as I'm like okay well what do you feel and so these other little nuances the specifics about that feeling. You'll recognize those as well. So you said it's it's a weight so is it a heavy feeling or a light feeling I assume heavy. 15:52.86 Dave Meyer_ BizzyWeb He. 15:59.56 Dave Meyer_ BizzyWeb Heavy. Yeah. 16:02.92 Nikki Okay, and is the feeling moving or is it still okay and is there a color to it. 16:05.22 Dave Meyer_ BizzyWeb Um I think it's still who so be kind of a gray. Probably yeah yeah, this is good. It's fun. 16:16.32 Nikki Okay, yeah, yeah, random questions. Um, yeah, so so essentially what we would do here is I utilize meditation I call them I call it meditative Hypnotherapy so essentially ah we would tap into that feeling I'd get you to close your eyes. 16:20.90 bizzyweb Stupid. 16:27.27 Dave Meyer_ BizzyWeb Um, okay, are. 16:34.80 Nikki And then we would find out so every single feeling within us subconscious feeling we put it there at a subconscious level because our subconscious mind is part of us and so every single feeling within us is there with a positive intention. So from there we would feel the feeling. So if you do that now. 16:38.30 Dave Meyer_ BizzyWeb Are. 16:50.90 Dave Meyer_ BizzyWeb He. 16:53.20 Nikki When you feel the feeling um tap into it and just I guess does it have an emotion is it tied to an emotion. 17:01.67 Nikki It doesn't always have to be but. 17:03.28 Dave Meyer_ BizzyWeb If if there was an emotion I think it would be either exhaustion or annoyance. Yeah, it's like God's one more dang thing I got to do right? so. 17:08.93 Nikki Oh annoyance, Interesting okay can yeah yeah, okay, okay, so would you say it's annoyance then or would you say exhaustion and annoyance would be different feelings within that. 17:24.36 Dave Meyer_ BizzyWeb Probably at alternating times you know it's probably not always you know it's probably the most common would be annoyance I would guess. Yeah. 17:27.58 Nikki Okay. Okay, so annoyance is a subset of anger and Anger is always what I call a Shield Emotion. So So it's it's interesting. In this case. Um, so a Shield emotion is something that we use essentially to protect ourselves. So. Say we're feeling angry at somebody because they did something to us. The reason that we are feeling that anger is because there's actually like a sadness or a hurt underneath the anger. There's always some kind of weak emotion underneath and so the reason we so we feel anger and project that anger out is because. 17:49.79 Dave Meyer_ BizzyWeb Home. 17:58.56 Dave Meyer_ BizzyWeb Yeah. 18:08.42 Nikki In our society. It is much more socially acceptable to be angry than to be sad and crying and weak. You know we can be strong. We can be certain you know we can be confident in our anger and that is just more socially presentable and so. 18:10.48 Dave Meyer_ BizzyWeb Who yeah. 18:24.96 Nikki I Called as a shield emotion and so annoyance is a subset of that. So it's interesting. So in this case I would dive a little bit deeper and I would go what's underneath the annoyance if you could think of like a weakness that comes up. 18:36.50 Dave Meyer_ BizzyWeb Um, well, um, like this this is going way way back, but as a kid I was very very asthmatic and so the entire thing of like exercising or any of that stuff. 18:47.35 Nikki Um. 18:53.47 Dave Meyer_ BizzyWeb It was always relatively traumatic and you know I was okay well we need to we need to run around the gym and I would be wheezing and just feeling you know, like concerned about surviving and or embarrassed by the whole thing. 18:54.28 Nikki That makes sense. Yeah. 19:11.96 bizzyweb And plus Dave is the big dude. So he there's that that cliche of big burly man man man that we both have. 19:12.64 Dave Meyer_ BizzyWeb Because I couldn't keep up with everybody else. 19:13.23 Nikki Um, yeah, yeah. 19:22.83 Dave Meyer_ BizzyWeb Um, death. Yeah. 19:23.32 Nikki Yeah, yeah, that makes sense 100% um and and that's why for for a lot of men anger is more the go to and sadness is more um I know that's a blanket statement but I've found that to be my my thing too. Um. 19:33.26 Dave Meyer_ BizzyWeb Um, sure sure. Yeah. 19:38.60 Nikki So that's actually really really interesting and very on point. So if you think about that experience. What emotion would you say is at the root like what weakness or hurt or is what flavor of of that. 19:54.32 Dave Meyer_ BizzyWeb Um I think it's just probably just the the fear of not being able to complete whatever task that I'm that I'm starting especially with exercise and stuff because. When ah when I do get into it. It's fun and you know can go peace Modeed and all that stuff and but um and I grew out of the asthma when I was like out of college so it was a while. So um, now I'm good and I don't have that issue but you know I think it's a hangover from that time. 20:11.50 Nikki Um, yeah, yeah. 20:19.00 Nikki Yeah, yeah. 20:26.10 Nikki Yeah, and that's yeah. 20:29.16 Dave Meyer_ BizzyWeb So I think the the root is probably fear and you know it's like physical like well-being fear and I always um, have kind of over over compensated. 20:35.63 Nikki Yeah, yeah. 20:43.49 Dave Meyer_ BizzyWeb On that and just been a smart ass about the whole thing and you know deflected it was like oh yeah, well I Just don't want to I don't want to work out because you know whatever you know I want to be a meathead or that's so sure. Yeah. 20:43.83 Nikki Um, yeah. 20:49.48 Nikki Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, and that's that's totally what we do totally. So so going into the fear I Hope you're okay going a little deeper. Okay, cool. 21:01.24 Dave Meyer_ BizzyWeb Ah, this is great. Yeah I'm fine. 21:03.20 Nikki So that fear so what is the worst that would happen to you because what I'm trying to do is get to the the root which is that it's a flavor of weakness or sadness like a herd of yeah, something like that. So so what are you afraid of in terms of what would you feel if. 21:10.70 Dave Meyer_ BizzyWeb A a. 21:22.40 Nikki Or back then. 21:22.10 Dave Meyer_ BizzyWeb Um I I think like but back then especially um I was also relatively young in my grade and so I always felt like everybody else was more advanced. 21:34.28 Nikki Yeah, yeah. 21:36.49 Dave Meyer_ BizzyWeb In like especially in like early grade school when all of this stuff would probably happen and right um because I was a year younger than almost everybody else in school. So um, yeah, awesome. Yeah, we're we'll have we'll have lots of obsessions. Yeah, the unique um you know just I. 21:42.22 Nikki Yeah, so was I actually. 21:55.53 Dave Meyer_ BizzyWeb Felt behind like all the way until I got to high school and then I re I reset myself when I changed schools and that's how I got to be so opposite of the way that was so I think that's probably the the root of you know, either feeling. 21:55.63 Nikki Um, yeah, yeah, yeah, so did I Actually the same thing that's funny. Yeah. 22:08.13 Nikki Um, yeah. 22:08.56 bizzyweb At the root of. 22:15.58 Dave Meyer_ BizzyWeb Not necessarily left behind but just like physically not able to do things right? Yeah, probably a little lower like in the gut. Um, just like a tightness. 22:19.97 Nikki Yeah, yeah, and so feeling left behind and all that stuff where do you feel that in your body. Okay and what's that feeling like tightness okay does that one have a color. 22:35.70 Dave Meyer_ BizzyWeb Yeah. I Don't think so if I if I did and and you know this is this is just complete I'd say like an orangey. Maybe yeah. 22:44.95 Nikki Yeah, yeah, and then is that one heavy or or light. Okay, yeah, like okay that makes sense. Yeah, yeah, that makes sense and is it moving. 22:52.87 Dave Meyer_ BizzyWeb Um, probably like sharp. Yeah, so not necessarily heavier light. But you're like kind of stabby. Um. 23:02.61 Nikki Or is it still. 23:07.11 Dave Meyer_ BizzyWeb I Think it kind of moves around a little like with my breath of very cute ends being asthmatic. You know it's like your diaphragm going in and out so that's probably around where that actually is so I would I'd say that. 23:11.51 Nikki Okay, yeah, yeah, that makes sense so Perfect. So that would be the root I would I would consider it. Um, so what I would do with my clients then is I would. Focus on that so I would take them into meditation and I would have them focus because so essentially the reason that that's there and it hasn't been processed out your whole life is because whenever you had the chance to go into it. You booked it out of that like you. 23:39.94 Dave Meyer_ BizzyWeb Do yeah yeah for sure in. 23:42.71 Nikki Yeah, yeah, because who wants to feel weak who wants to feel bad who wants to feel these negative emotions. But so every time something outside of you triggers that emotion, you'll go into like the annoyance or the whatever. Um, but what we need to do is so kind of going into some a little bit more depth of this is. 23:51.56 Dave Meyer_ BizzyWeb Who. 23:57.95 Dave Meyer_ BizzyWeb Sure. 24:00.24 Nikki Whenever we have a traumatic experience from our past. The traumatic experience will happen and it'll form a neurosynaptic pathway in the mind or a memory of that experience and simultaneously you will form a Neuro chemicalmical response in the body so that emotion and so by thinking of the memory we can tap into the trauma. 24:08.47 Dave Meyer_ BizzyWeb E. 24:20.00 Nikki Through that that emotion and then go into it and so the thing is you've heard I'm sure of neuroplasticity. So the reason that that that trauma is still there is because there's still that link you can change the link by modifying how you interact with that. 24:31.97 Dave Meyer_ BizzyWeb You know. 24:38.34 Dave Meyer_ BizzyWeb Sure. 24:38.49 Nikki Experience within you. So even you just sitting like for example, right now and getting curious about that that feeling put all of your attention on that feeling and even just getting curious about it. You are and going towards it. 24:51.59 Dave Meyer_ BizzyWeb Oh. 24:53.68 Nikki You are completely shifting the way that you normally kind of tread that path in your mind that neurosynaptic pathway. So you're already kind of scratching that record and there are different processes that I do with clients in order to scratch it further and further and further until literally you can think the same thought and know. 24:59.28 Dave Meyer_ BizzyWeb Who. 25:07.10 Dave Meyer_ BizzyWeb Oh. 25:12.20 Nikki Feeling will come up whatsoever so that's the use of Mindfulness meditation and all that kind of stuff. 25:12.22 bizzyweb Wow. 25:13.88 Dave Meyer_ BizzyWeb Right? This is this is great Nikki and the one of the interesting things that I've experienced in that I'd I'd actually like to explore a little bit more if it's cool is um. 25:30.15 Dave Meyer_ BizzyWeb I did I did landmark when I was younger and one of the best tricks that they did inside of the forums was yeah if anyone had a headache and I was one of the people that had a headache and what you do if you have a headache inside of 1 of these experiences is you focus on. 25:30.74 Nikki Yeah, yeah. 25:49.61 Dave Meyer_ BizzyWeb Actual physical feeling of your headache and so you're like okay well where is it in your head is it on the back of your head is it on the front of your head is it A sharp pain is it a throbbing is it hot is it cold and through the experience of just focusing and accepting the pain. 25:50.80 Nikki Yeah. 25:59.68 Nikki Yeah. 26:08.50 Nikki Um, hot 7 it is. 26:09.12 Dave Meyer_ BizzyWeb It just melts away and it's almost magic like and I do that all the time whenever I have a headache I'm just like okay well all right? Let's go into it. Let's feel it for real and stop resisting and then it sort of goes away So what? what is that? How does that work and what what can we do? You know it says. 26:17.42 Nikki Yeah, yeah, yeah. 26:28.42 Dave Meyer_ BizzyWeb What we try to do inside of our podcast is to tease into like what people that are trying to grow revenue for their companies are experiencing and 1 of the biggest things that people have a problem with is in sales the fear of picking up the phone right? so. 26:37.50 Nikki Um, and then. 26:45.36 Dave Meyer_ BizzyWeb Yeah, how how can we lean into all of that and I might be taking too many steps all at once here, but I'm just so excited to to like lean into all of this. Yeah, this is great. 26:45.52 Nikki Ah Aha ah hung. 26:51.98 bizzyweb Ah, well let's let's let's give her an opportunity to answer the question then we'll take a quick break. So go yeah pick pick one of the 4 questions that he asked. 26:53.40 Nikki Um, give who yeah. 26:59.71 Nikki Um, beautiful but of ok so so it's the same thing. Everything. So whenever we want to do something and we stop Ourselves. We are stopping ourselves. It's a subconscious thing and if you pay attention every single time.. There's a feeling associated. And so for me I will go into that feeling so with the fear specifically. So. The interesting thing is that people internally because we're not taught this Stuff. We're not typically taught in society about how our consciousness works even though once you get it like you say it's like Magic. It's like your mind is so unbelievably powerful. 27:25.74 Dave Meyer_ BizzyWeb My hair. 27:35.91 Nikki Like you can you can get rid of it problem in 20 minutes you know what I mean it's like somebody's had their whole life. So so with the fear. Um, it's the same kind of thing so when you think of that thing that you're afraid of um, it's not the thing that you're afraid of it's the feeling. 27:38.37 Dave Meyer_ BizzyWeb Okay, yeah. 27:54.28 Nikki Within you that you're afraid of it's the sensation that you're afraid of so if you yeah, yeah, perfect. So it's it's when you're afraid of something. It's not the thing that you're afraid of it is your sensation. 27:55.47 bizzyweb Say that last part again because I think that's really important that we say that gets underscored. 27:56.20 Dave Meyer_ BizzyWeb Gosher. Yep. 28:11.68 Nikki Within you that is tied mentally to that thing that you're afraid of so um, so okay, so say I want to start a business and I'm stopping myself due to fear I have the thought and this is getting into the Nlp is you're thinking about what you want to do. And then the sensation comes up of fear. So first of all, you have to notice within you that fear is just a sensation. It's totally normal It's totally okay, it's not going to hurt you and then do what we did here feel into that feeling and like you said I don't remember the phrasing but it's like look at it in more of a positive way. 28:48.55 Dave Meyer_ BizzyWeb Who right. 28:50.36 Nikki And that's just like getting curious about It. You are forging a new neurosynaptic pathway you are scratching the record on that path that is normally walked because just like a habit the more times you do it over and over and over and over and over again. The more inclined you are to do it over and over and over again. So if you think about business starting a business and you feel that fear and then you book it out of there and you're just like bouncing you're avoiding and you know again, you're probably doing something to um to make yourself feel better whether that is. 29:20.56 Dave Meyer_ BizzyWeb A. 29:23.23 Nikki You know, eating or addiction of some kind. Um and so just become mindful of that become mindful of your patterns because typically again they're subconscious so feel into the fear and once the fear dissipates. Um, because if you give enough attention to it and again do enough techniques and maybe we'll get into a technique that I like to give to people a little bit later. Um, but yeah, so you do that and the fear will dissipate then if there is anything else to clear out all you have to do is think of. 29:44.60 Dave Meyer_ BizzyWeb Who yes. 29:57.41 Nikki You know, starting the business and then feel in your body. What other resistance do I feel and then go into that one So I actually had this specifically? Um, so when I was at my corporate job I think it was 17 when I first started getting into the mindfulness meditation side of things started like really feeling into these feelings I was actually. So in that job I was terrified to speak in meetings I was terrified of public speaking because of past trauma childhood stuff like being made fun of blah blah blah and so I didn't want to be terrified of speaking of meetings because I'm like I know all of these answers like I would beat myself up and that again be. 30:24.12 Dave Meyer_ BizzyWeb Um, of course yep. 30:36.63 Nikki Getting into what I was talking about earlier where our thoughts take over we beat ourselves up and go you know into our minds and it's almost like we're distracting ourselves because we don't want to feel that feeling of inadequacy fear worry. Whatever and so for me I um I acknowledge that within myself I felt the feeling I I would sit in my meetings. And I was like where do I feel this in my body and for me it was in my solar plexus I don't know if people know where that is but um, kind of midway up your torso and so what I did is actually I'll I'll give you that technique I was mentioning so the first technique that I ever give to anybody who's doing this stuff is called ho upponopono and this is. 30:58.80 Dave Meyer_ BizzyWeb Me. 31:04.27 Dave Meyer_ BizzyWeb Who. 31:16.38 Nikki The primary technique that I used for 2 years I would feel the feeling and it was a fear for me. Um, yeah, so it was a feeling of fear and I would focus all of my attention on the feeling of fear in my solar plexus and I okay I wouldn't close my eyes in in the meetings themselves but in the meetings. 31:21.22 Dave Meyer_ BizzyWeb A. 31:35.49 Nikki I would just sit there and so Pono Pono is you focus on the feeling and you say these 4 phrases to it directly to the feeling within your mind or out loud and they are I Love you I'm sorry, please forgive me and thank you. And the reason you do that again is because you are completely scratching the record on how you normally interact with that feeling so I would say that to it and then as you say those 4 phrases to the feeling you notice. There's one phrase that will always resonate with that feeling more than the others. 32:07.46 Dave Meyer_ BizzyWeb Oh. 32:09.51 Nikki So you'll drop the other ones and then just focus on that phrase. So for me, it was I love you. So for 2 days straight I was literally in every meeting sitting there just saying I love you I love you I love you directly to that feeling nobody knew I was doing it but and then two days later it dissipated it was completely gone. And from that point onward I was a freaking all-star leading all the meetings. It completely shifted who I was at work and how people saw me and that led to different promotions and I ended up you know finding another job as a project manager and. 32:30.38 Dave Meyer_ BizzyWeb E. 32:46.43 Nikki And I was known as a leader from that point onward and then also from that point onward. That's when I started doing my workshops on this kind of stuff and and same kind of thing I actually had a different feeling come up that was because that's the thing is different situations might bring up different flavors of the fear. 32:47.20 Dave Meyer_ BizzyWeb Home. 32:52.46 Dave Meyer_ BizzyWeb Oh Wow yeah. 33:03.92 Nikki So then when I was about to do my workshops I felt this feeling. You know the feeling like I don't know if you guys like roller coastaers but I always hated them and so I would be on a roller coastaster and you know when you're about to go up the really big one and it's like oh my God Oh my God Oh my God Oh I God Oh my God and you're just getting to the top and I'm like why am I On this thing. 33:07.59 bizzyweb Parents. 33:09.26 Dave Meyer_ BizzyWeb Oh. 33:22.44 Nikki Well so that feeling came up about going onto the workshops where it's like oh my God Oh my God and so I did the same thing with that one cleared it and then did my workshop fine. So with anything in life including anything to do with business. All you have to do is. 33:29.55 Dave Meyer_ BizzyWeb 4 k. 33:40.10 Nikki Sit with the thought of what you want to do and feel where do you feel resistance within you is it self-doubt Inadequacy is it fear and just pinpoint that location. You can do up on a opponent on it or just give it awareness and get curious about it. 33:48.75 bizzyweb Sweet I. 33:57.99 Nikki And eventually it will dissipate and then you just move forward and then you do the same thing and the same thing and the same thing and it will completely change your life if you stick to doing this in every situation you need to get past I suppose. 34:13.99 Dave Meyer_ BizzyWeb And for for trig me and eyes benefit. Um, what were the 4 um words and. 34:16.50 bizzyweb I Love you I'm sorry I forgive you can I remain please please forgive me. 34:18.91 Nikki Yeah, phrases. Oh I Love you I'm sorry, please forgive me and thank you So and then I also sometimes tell people if if they feel inclined. Um I forgive you like you like you had said. 34:25.44 Dave Meyer_ BizzyWeb Okay. 34:35.92 Nikki So it's it is officially please forgive me. But then I started noticing sometimes I forgive you will resonate a little more so just play with those you could add that fifth one in if you like yeah ho po no po. No yeah yeah. 34:43.64 Dave Meyer_ BizzyWeb Um, amazing and it's whole upon a pono right on Wow That's cool. 34:49.37 bizzyweb I Myself have that anxiety and feeling of about to go over roller coastster because it's time to take a break and I realize that I'm gonna have to go next Sorenna Well we'll be right back and we'll get into my psyche which will probably take considerably longer. 34:59.90 Dave Meyer_ BizzyWeb Um. 35:06.87 Nikki Cool. 35:08.41 bizzyweb All right? Nikki so far so Dave is cured now and he is. He's left this pretty on. He's headed to the gymb. Yeah, so but ah for a sense of fairness. Do you mind running me through my pace is a little so okay. So. 35:12.85 Dave Meyer_ BizzyWeb And hit the gym on my way home. Yeah. 35:14.50 Nikki He. 35:21.78 Nikki Yeah, absolutely yes. 35:25.70 bizzyweb Ah, a problem I have is ah let's say I I'm I'm I'm having trouble getting along with extended family. 35:37.60 Nikki Okay, yeah, that is That's a very very common one as well. Um, actually a quarterstone of one of the programs that I go through so that's perfect. Um, so so same kind of thing where so when you think about interacting with this family member. Ah, where do you experience. 35:42.48 bizzyweb Great. 35:54.20 Nikki A negative sensation within you. 35:55.71 bizzyweb Ah, in the bottom of my throat right before it hits hits the chest and also the back of my neck the chest or throat area. 36:05.67 Nikki Okay, and which 1 comes first okay and would you say that feeling is heavier light. Okay and is it moving or still. 36:13.67 bizzyweb Extremely heavy. 36:21.62 bizzyweb Ah I would say vibrating yeah like it. It's It's not still, but it's not like a pendulum but it's just it's like a it. 36:25.92 Nikki Okay, like quick vibrating I guess probably okay and what color is oh yeah, it's not like shifting moving. It's just very static E type I see. Okay. 36:38.82 bizzyweb Like an engine idling. 36:42.84 Nikki And is there a color to that one. 36:45.39 bizzyweb Um, ah I want to say like green. 36:47.10 Nikki Okay, and if you could label it with an emotion. What emotion would you say it is. 36:57.85 bizzyweb Um, Anger and Anger and fear I think. 37:02.40 Nikki Okay, okay, ah, okay, if you had to pick one or actually if you look at the feeling um because anger and fear are 2 different things so there may be 2 feelings that are coinciding. So. 37:13.92 bizzyweb Has. 37:17.73 Nikki Which 1 comes first fear. Okay, and when you feel that fear. How do you respond in it with anger. Okay, and in the situation. Actually you know what I'm wondering if I need to go that way. Well okay in the situation. 37:18.47 bizzyweb Fear. 37:24.19 bizzyweb With with with anger. Yeah. 37:37.57 Nikki Okay, you would respond in the situation with anger. 37:40.81 bizzyweb Yeah, yes I But then I would almost immediately quash the anger because I know it's inappropriate. So I suck it down. 37:51.77 Nikki Okay, okay, yeah, oh that's good. Good for you? Um, okay, so so um, so all blocks can either be simultaneous stacked or sequential meaning. Um, so sequential 1 comes after another after another so that seems to be what this is is that you feel the fear and then you feel the anger and then you quash it down squash it down. Um, so or they can be simultaneous and they all come up at the same time. Um or they can be stacked and I do find. Most of them are stacked to be honest because that's how I get to the root of them and then when you remove the root then they all fall away or dissolve. So when you think of okay so going into the fear. What are you afraid of. 38:25.80 bizzyweb Man. 38:41.99 bizzyweb Um, um I think it's it. It's it's different styles of inadequacy. 38:51.17 Nikki Okay, okay, and so where do you feel the inadequacy. 38:57.35 bizzyweb Um, it usually sort of radiates away from the feeling and to just like blossoms and Widens in my chest. 39:07.58 Nikki Okay, and so if you look at where that feeling of inadequacy starts when you first feel it just give your awareness to that and just get curious about it and allow yourself to experience it and as you do just. Let me know if anything shifts. 39:31.60 bizzyweb Ah, it's it's moving upwards. 39:32.54 Nikki Okay, so just witness it do its thing. 39:39.40 bizzyweb Yeah, it's like trying to go up I can feel it going up. 39:42.24 Nikki Okay, yeah, and so this is what what it means to process out an emotion and you can witness it take place in real time. So just keep giving your awareness to it get curious about it find everything there is to know explore that feeling. 39:59.26 bizzyweb Now it feels like it's rolling like a ton or like a tortilla. 40:02.74 Nikki Okay, okay, and so feeling that feeling maybe amplify it make it more and more intense. 40:13.62 bizzyweb Yeah, now it's circling like a question. 40:17.51 Nikki Perfect and now if you like say those 4 phrases to it. So I love you I'm sorry, please forgive me and thank you, you can say I'm out louder in your head. Whatever you like. 40:28.83 bizzyweb I Look I Love you I'm sorry, please forgive me. Thank you. 40:41.49 Nikki Thank you and then you'll notice one of those phrases kind of resonates more with the feeling. 40:49.53 bizzyweb I Love you please forgive me I'm sorry Thank you. 41:05.22 bizzyweb Yeah I think ah ah I'm I'm I'm sorry is resonating. 41:09.58 Nikki Perfect. So just say I'm sorry to the feeling and say it over and over and over while focusing all of your attention on the sensation. 41:16.62 bizzyweb Okay, I'm sorry. Yeah, it's dive bombing. 41:25.62 Nikki This is usually when some emotions would come up some people start to cry which is totally normal. It's just a release. 41:38.38 bizzyweb I'm sorry I feel like it's like diving backwards and ah down and backwards and away from me I'm sorry. 41:42.44 Nikki Okay, does that feel like a like a good thing or just different. 41:50.19 bizzyweb It's it's different. It's it's ah it's it's It's odd that I'm able to ah put into words So specifically how the the feeling is undulating inside of me. 42:01.60 Nikki And as this is happening so you're noticing the shift in what the the feeling itself the Neuros snap or sorry the neurochemical response the emotion sensation as it's changing simultaneously the neurochemical sorry. Neurosynaptic pathway in your mind is also changing because you are doing something completely different with this sensation than you've ever done before you're processing it out and this is just essentially spend more time with it and it will fully dissipate and then when you think about the Problem. Or the relationship issue with that person. You'll notice So This is the beauty of of working on this stuff with relationships is that when we come into an interpersonal dynamic with somebody else. Um, we come into it with this emotional charge deep down inside of us. And that dictates how we act again. 95% of how we act is subconscious and we don't realize it. So if you have this this feeling of potential inadequacy interacting with this person. You're going to potentially overcompensate and maybe try to act. More tough or better or something because you feel you need to. But when you don't have this inadequacy within you anymore then you can just be neutral and you can just be your normal self and you'll find that because that emotional charge isn't there anymore. The relationship often just corrects itself because. 43:33.95 Nikki Everyone that we interact with they get triggered by us just like we get triggered by them and so you'll notice that you'll stop triggering that person and so you'll stop probably triggering their own feelings of inadequacy and so they'll stop overcompensating as well. So every relationship we're in There's like a lock and a key or like 1 lock fits a key if somebody has feelings of inadequacy and somebody else has a matching lock to that key you know vibration. Whatever then you'll notice that that person will trigger you know. That person and then it'll bounce back and forth but something I like to kind of point out is I've noticed people and I noticed people way back in the day who I remember actually this one specific occasion I was at a work event and there was this 1 coworker and. She always kind of got on my nerves. She was just not my favorite type of person and she would trigger me because she would say things to people that I didn't think were very nice and so if she ever said something like that to me I would feel this bad feeling in me and I would I would get angry but now I know it was you know touching on like inadequacy. Whatever it was hurt. And so I also noticed I was at this event and she was saying these things to this other coworker and this other coworker was completely unfazed and I remember looking at it going. Oh my god like I would be pissed I'd be livid but it just rolled off her shoulders. No big deal. 44:54.52 Dave Meyer_ BizzyWeb Who. 45:05.21 Nikki As if it didn't even happen and she was rolling with it like it was you know it was funny. It was a joke but that goes to show you what you take to Heart. You take to heart because there's something that is is inside of you That's being triggered if you didn't have that it would just roll off your shoulders too. So checking back in with the feeling. What are you experiencing now. 45:26.69 bizzyweb Um, I'm feeling like it's and I could even feel it while you were talking it. It decided to crawl up a pole and sit and perch in the back of my back back of my throat my kind of like right right here in the back of my chest. 45:37.31 Nikki Perfect. 45:44.25 bizzyweb Kind of throw it area and it was just and it made me cough about a minute ago. 45:45.10 Nikki Okay, and okay and so around this point I like to say so when you think about the feeling in general the inadequacy out of a hundred percent what percent would you say is left. 46:00.41 bizzyweb Oh boy I don't know because I have imposter syndrome pretty on a pretty high level I would say it's probably still in the sixty s. 46:05.89 Nikki Okay, okay, so it's just one of those ones that you have to spend a little more time with but that's totally fine now you know where it is so you can tap into it and I would suggest just meditate on it. Sit honestly this what what were we doing this 5 minutes so just 46:14.99 bizzyweb Yeah. 46:21.92 bizzyweb Yeah. 46:22.41 Dave Meyer_ BizzyWeb Here. 46:25.65 Nikki Just sit with this. Maybe after the show or whenever you feel inclined and and just feel into it and just witness and just get curious. Do the Wholepono Pono Sometimes at this point you said it's like it it um, curled up onto a pole and sat there So I Also like to use metaphor. Getting into the hypnotherapy side of things is that we all interpret our reality um through metaphor without realizing it kind of like if somebody says to you I feel like I'm in the pit of despair or ah, I'm so obstructed I feel like there's just. This obstacle in my way like a wall is standing in my way or I keep bashing my head against the wall. Those are how we are literally representing our reality at a subconscious level and if you think about your experience like this is kind of getting into the spirituality side because again the mindfulness meditation. 47:13.62 bizzyweb Yeah. 47:16.55 Dave Meyer_ BizzyWeb Oh. 47:18.92 Nikki But um, like when you dream. For example, the same space around you exists. But you're in your mind's eye and it's like when you think about where a dream is Located. It is in front of you But how would you describe it is it in almost like. A new Realm a different realm a different level of reality because it exists but it's etheric and so the same thing with how we interpret like I'm bashing my head against a wall our internal representation of that is this etheric metaphorical space within us or around us. And so the subconscious mind is how you can kind of play with that reality and to the conscious mind it makes no sense. It's like how the heck can you know, changing something metaphorically in my inner world. How can that change things in my outer world. But it's the exact same thing. And so it's just another I guess technique or way of um of shifting things inside your consciousness again scratching that record on how you currently concretely interpret via Beliefs or emotions at that point it's yeah beliefs and emotions through metaphor. 48:31.17 bizzyweb Yeah I got nothing from it. You gotta have you gotta ask good question I recollect myself. 48:31.56 Nikki So yeah. 48:35.66 Dave Meyer_ BizzyWeb This this is great. Yeah Nicki Niki this is super fun and especially if you have trig v speechless. That's that thing a lot. So um I think as as we get. Yeah, know we're we're kind of closing in on the normal timeframe of this and we could talk forever. This is you're you're delightful and engaging and super yeah, this this is a ah plane that I love to to kind of explore and play with. So as as we look at like 4 Business Professionals Sales Professionals people that are trying to break through something that they know is holding them back in life. What would you recommend? they start with in order to start at least being. Cognizant making the unconscious conscious to start exploring to break down some of those walls. 49:25.22 Nikki Yeah, so I would say honestly the best thing to do is just the same stuff that we've been doing here maybe kind of re-listen to some of the segments of how we went into the different feelings um with with each other and really, it's just it's just. Same kind of process. It's always the same thing. It's like well what do you want to do? where do you feel the resistance go into it and just shift the way you're looking at it be willing to look at it and know that it's just a sensation and once you release it then you can move forward. It's um, it's very very simple. Ah, the way to process it out like sometimes like it does get a little more complicated depending on the intricacies of the block inside of you because sometimes they can be um I have had clients before where we'll find the block and then we'll get to the point that they have to release and they're like oh but I can't release it because da da. 50:07.26 Dave Meyer_ BizzyWeb Sure yep. 50:20.58 bizzyweb I have. 50:20.76 Nikki And then it goes into this other tat which is you know I I don't have control of myself and it's like okay now we have to work on the I don't have control of myself. Why don't you have control of yourself and you know, kind of determine How to? yes Yes, exactly exactly. So. 50:27.73 Dave Meyer_ BizzyWeb 1 50:29.61 bizzyweb That kind of gets back to what you're saying about stacking. 50:35.47 Dave Meyer_ BizzyWeb Um, right. Absolutely. 50:38.20 Nikki Yeah, So sometimes they're very clear cut I would say more times than not.. They're very clear cut. It's It's just go into it release it? Um, but there are all also other nuances. So just but but even in that case, it's really just about. Like exact same thing. It's like you just feel a resistance and you do what you can through these methods and and you will make an impact like there's no doubt about that if you put that awareness to it. So yeah. 51:03.20 Dave Meyer_ BizzyWeb It It feels like and I hate to throw out these Keywords but Mindfulness is probably the big thing and maybe even more simplified just paying attention right. 51:10.57 Nikki Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah, a hundred percent a hundred percent that's really all it comes down to is um and that that's the cool part is like it the how my. Ah, journey transpired was like again learning about all of this stuff and nlp hypnotherapy for years and then I had this massive life shift like this one eighty degree life shifts and all these emotions came up that were like the most challenging things I could possibly have to go into. And out of necessity I had to start using these things on myself and for me I was using like and nlp techniques Hypnotherapy techniques. All that kind of stuff but and I love them. But I found that they were so like overly convoluted. 51:45.31 Dave Meyer_ BizzyWeb For me. 51:57.99 Dave Meyer_ BizzyWeb No oh. 51:59.56 Nikki There was a little bit too much to them versus pure mindfulness and finding the sensation because that's all that's needed when you kind of peel the layers of the hanging back. It's always it always comes down to that same thing which is interesting because for however, many thousands of years people have been saying that in you know, different. Um. 52:18.94 Dave Meyer_ BizzyWeb Right. 52:19.25 Nikki Ah, spiritual circles that kind of thing and so kind of getting into that I was never spiritual before this. But then I realized well spirituality all it is is just I guess waking up to who you really are and adding mindfulness to the equation understanding your consciousness. And letting go of what doesn't serve you. That's essentially it. So yeah, very very interesting. 52:37.40 Dave Meyer_ BizzyWeb Oh I Love that? Yes, thank you. 52:42.50 bizzyweb I feel like we're just scratching the surface and we're coming kind of coming up on time. So um, 2 questions ah number 1 Ah nikki can we have you back because that this whole plan on what we wanted to talk about and we didn't at all. 52:50.95 Nikki Oh totally I'm having so much fun. 52:55.74 Dave Meyer_ BizzyWeb Um, good. Ah, it's so much deeper and funner and juicier though. This is great. 52:58.00 bizzyweb So ah I have what? yeah yeah, and ah second ah we like ah to have a bold naked promotion of our guests where can people find you. 52:58.50 Nikki I Kind of thought it might happen. Yeah, yeah. 53:16.36 Nikki They can find me at Nicki Nicholas Dot Com so and I k k I n I see h o l a s dot com. Um, and then also I actually have a free gift for the people listening. Um, yeah, so it's a a video on. 53:23.63 bizzyweb Um, hey. 53:24.65 Dave Meyer_ BizzyWeb Are 2 53:30.22 Nikki How to find the subconscious blocks within you so it kind of touches on all of this stuff. But I also do like a little a little drawing of like stick people. Um and it's about I think 10 minutes long and essentially it just talks about where subconscious blocks come from what they are and shows people how to find them within them so I'll send you guys that link after the show as well. 53:47.15 Dave Meyer_ BizzyWeb Perfect. Yeah, we'll put them into the show notes and that'll be amazing. Thank you Nikki. 53:50.16 Nikki Yeah, perfect. Yes, thank you guys so much. This is really great. Yeah, perfect. 53:52.37 bizzyweb And thanks so much taking we'll ah ah, will we? We'll see the receptionist for the same time next week.